You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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