You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
