i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
