He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
