We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
