I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
