And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
