the condom got lost in my hair
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
