my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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