I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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