Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
