I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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