I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
