Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
