I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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