I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
