My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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