I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
