i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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