A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
