So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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