so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I understand Curling. That high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
