i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
