I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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