If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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