the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The power of my boobs compel you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
