i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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