I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
