I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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