Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
