i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
