I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
