Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
