I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
