If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
