you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize