I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
