Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
