oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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