We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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