Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
