last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
