So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize