just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
