I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
