I got chris browned last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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