I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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