I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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