i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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