Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
