Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
