did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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