I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize