your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize