Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
