i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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