I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
