you traded sex for a burrito?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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