Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
