if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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