the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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