stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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