i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
