I feel like abortions should bother me more
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
