they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize