i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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