Ketchup is God's man juice
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
