worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have post one night stand depression
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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