dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize