I can text with my tongue
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
