She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
