cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
