We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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