I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
