I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
